There’s nothing wrong with being friendly to your customers.  Quite the contrary.  It shows that you enjoy your work, that you take an interest in something other than the bottom line and, perhaps most importantly, that you’re approachable – without grudge – for service after the sale.

But here’s the thing.  Unless you’re a company of 1, you can’t hire, teach, train, or insist on “friendly.” You can try, and many do, but sometimes you have to settle for just plain ol’ “conpetent” and “efficient.”

Which is to say, enough already with trumpeting “friendly” in your advertising.  Companies can’t be friendly, only people can. And there’s no way you can consistently deliver on the promise of “your friendly and caring” professionals (note that I just head butted TWO of the 7 Words You Should Never Use in Advertising.)

What’s more, if you tell me I’m in for a “friendly” encounter and you don’t deliver, you’ve given me a reason to take my business elsewhere based on a false promise you didn’t need to make in the first place.  Don’t tell me you’re friendly, just act that way.  I’ll figure it out, trust me.

Plus, when you tell me you’re the friendly type, what I’m hearing is that you want to be my friend.  Sorry, but I don’t shop for friends, just goods and services.

“But wait,” you say.  “We’re 30 people, everyone one of us is VERY friendly and we always act that way towards each other and our customers.  So dang it, that’s our advertising hook.”  Great.  You win.  Just remember to remind your competitors that you and you alone are allowed to make that claim…oops, too late!

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford

“Virtually” is to advertising what the asp was to Cleopatra.  Deadly.  Insidious.  And entirely unwelcome.

Just to be clear, “virtually” means “almost” or “practically.” But that’s not how advertisers use it.  They use the word to imply “totally,” or the next best thing to “totally” while trying to get you to remove words like “almost” or “practically” from your thinking.

Near where I live, there’s a vasectomy clinic that advertises their procedure as “virtually pain free.” What they WANT me to think is “painless.”  Trust me, that’s not what I’m thinking, especially after talking to friends who have partaken of the experience.

“Virtually fat free” suggests “healthy.”  Are we less impressed with “reduced fat content?”  We shouldn’t be.

“Virtually” became the arch enemy of the consuming public with the advent of “virtual reality” video games and amusement park rides.  When we bought the games and into the entire concept, we weren’t thinking “this is just like the real thing.”  We were thinking “now I can do it, too!” We bought and continue to buy the promise that “virtually” and “real” are close enough that we can ignore the difference…until, that is, we learn the hard way, just like my vasectomy patient friends.  No pun intended, by the way.

Outside the world of advertising, we take a much more jaundiced view of the word:

• “Sorry, I can’t serve you another beer.”  “Wait, I’m virtually sober.”
• “Honey, it’s Mary, our 16-year old daughter.  It’s 1 AM and she says she’s virtually home.”
• “How’d you do on your test, David?”  “Mom, I “virtually passed.”

“Virtually” is a very sexy advertising word for yet another reason.  It sounds like “virtue” and “virtuous,” whereas “almost” sounds like, well, “almost.”

Virtue is a tough opponent, but if we band together, we can beat “virtually” out of advertising existence, where it belongs.

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford

Old-fashioned virtues, like integrity, have been so diluted over time that we’ve been forced to lower our expectations…either that, or we’ve been so dumbied down we barely even notice.

Until, that is, some crafty advertiser reminds of just how much integrity they possess as either a primary or secondary reason to do business with them.  Here’s the problem:  if you feel the need to make “integrity” a focal point of your advertising, you give people a reason to think or suspect otherwise.

Still, if you really are known for a company of high integrity, you want to keep that in the forefront of your marketing and PR…there are just better ways to go about it.

• Display your BBB accreditation logo
• Post a Google Reviews link on your web site
• Better yet, be confident enough to continuously invite reviews
• Involve yourself in community activities and/or charitable giving
• Display testimonials wherever appropriate, especially on your website

The point is, you want others to cite your integrity vs. you taking the initiative.  What others say is powerful; what you say is the next closest thing to pointless, and perhaps even counter-productive.

“Our firm is known far and wide for outstanding integrity.”  Prove it.  “We aspire to the highest standards of integrity.”  I still aspire to be Superman, but I’m pretty sure it’s not going to happen.

“Integrity first.”  Bull turds:  it’s profits first with integrity along for the ride.  As it should be.

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford

It’s good to know, in a world of advertising sameness, that some companies are more “dedicated” to my well-being or satisfaction than others.  I know that because they keep telling me so.

“We’re dedicated to your 100% satisfaction.”  Good thing you threw in the “100%” part; otherwise, I might have doubted your sincerity.  “Our dedicated professionals are fully experienced and trained to do the best possible job for you, the customer.”  Okay, I just went way overboard there, but when you’re talking about words or phrases you should never use in advertising, there are so many that sometimes, my fingers just run whole bunches of them together.  For example…

• Professionals – That means you actually pay your people?
• Fully – We’ll deal with superlatives in a future installment of Words to Grow By.
• Best Possible Job – If you totally botch a job, whatever it might be, and that’s the best you possibly can do…well, you get the point.
• You, the Customer – Sorry to disappoint you, but I already know who I am.

And now back to the star of this show:  “dedicated.”  It’s a nice enough word.  My son Chris, for example, has dedicated his life to serving God as a pastor in the Christian faith.  Some people are dedicated to losing weight, getting out of debt, supporting the arts, and so on.  Noble and praiseworthy, one and all.

You just can’t use the word in advertising.  Because whatever it is you’re telling me you’re dedicated to…sorry, but I’m afraid I need to take that for granted.  Saving me money on my energy bill, litigating an insurance claim on my behalf, stocking your shelves with fresh vs. rotting produce…come on guys, that’s your job!  So of COURSE you’re dedicated to it.  So is your competition.  So is every company in every line of work.  Being “dedicated” in no way sets you apart, no matter how much of a “feel good” that word might convey to the unsuspecting.

Oh, and by the way…in the absence of dedication you have failure.

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford

Just what the world needs more of…advertisers who “care.”

Not only have you seen it and heard it…you can’t avoid it.

“We care about you.”  Yes, but what if I show up without my wallet?  Or, for greater emphasis:  “We REALLY care!”  Vs. what…you falsely care?

Look, as your customer or prospect, I expect you to seek and care about my ultimate satisfaction.  But, if you feel the need to call attention to it, over and over again – and without telling me exactly what you mean – sooner or later I’m going to conclude it’s the empty promise I suspected in the first place.

The worst example I can think of?  Actually, it’s an entire category, i.e., the medical community, members of which constantly try to “out-care” each other.  So just to be sure who means it, or means it the most, how about a medical advertising “care off” contest, where the judges come with boxes of tissues to wipe away their tears of appreciation following each demonstration.

Care, like so many other words in advertising, is a substitute for “we really don’t have anything concrete that sets us apart.”  So instead, it’s hoped that warm and gooey will suffice.  Sadly, it too often does.

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford

This is a unique opportunity for me to “slam dunk” one of the most abused and misunderstood words not just in advertising, but in the entire English language.

See what I just did there?  I abused “unique” myself to make the point that this and every other opportunity in life – let alone marketing – is unique…by definition.

“Unique” is a word marketers use as a synonym for “good,” better,” “best,” and the like.  It doesn’t mean that at all.

“Unique” means “one of a kind,” and since when that did that necessarily become a desirable quality?  Even if there are 350 plumbers in your marketing territory, each of you is unique if for no other reason than you don’t share the same business or location, etc., with anyone else.  Bottom line, different is just plain “different” more often than it’s “better.”

But “Aha!” you say.  “Our plumbing company is uniquely qualified to” do this, that, or the other thing.  Once again, that means nothing, or at least not what you intend it to mean.  “Uniquely qualified” could simply mean “no one else is less qualified than we are.”

“Uniquely experienced?”  Great, since that could mean that today is your first day on the job.  “Our unique, state-of-the-art dispatch system?” That SOUNDS like you can handle calls more efficiently and better ensure on-time arrival, but in marketing, “sounds like” doesn’t count.  Proof does.

Sadly, “unique” is a term marketers use in place of words or phrases that have real teeth.  Such as, “Each of our technicians is NATE certified.”  Unique or not, that’s impressive.  “We guarantee same-day service or you don’t pay.”  Unique or not, if you’re the only one marketing that offer, then you are perceived to be the ONLY company guaranteeing same-day service.  Perception is a beautiful thing, especially if it’s in your favor.

Are you the market leader or otherwise superior than the norm in any aspect of your business?  Then say that, offer proof, and leave words like “unique” to the followers.

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford

From Fortune 500 companies on down, this word has been used and abused forever.

Well, here’s the big bombshell, folks:  the word “quality” is not, never has been, and hopefully never will be an adjective.  It’s a noun…period.

And yet in marketing far and wide, it’s almost always used as an adjective, as in: quality service, quality products, quality people, and so on.  So let’s look instead, how to use “quality” effectively, and ONLY as a noun.

To the extent that you have qualities that set you apart from your competition, sound the trumpets…but also be prepared to back up you claims.

• “Our company installs products that meet the highest standards of quality in the industry, according to Consumer Reports.”
• “Company owner, (your name), possesses qualities of leadership that have earned him widespread acclaim – locally and nationally – from customers, peers, and industry associations alike.  Click here for details.”

Ford Motor Company, in my estimation, will always rank as one of the biggest offenders of ”quality” – noun or adjective –  with this golden oldie slogan:  “Ford.  Where Quality is Job #1.”  Here’s what that really means:  “At Ford we make cars and trucks that have certain qualities. Some are mediocre at best, but we make them that way knowing exactly what we’re doing!”  So much for bold and tough.

The moral?  Go through all of your marketing materials – including your web site – and delete “quality” everywhere it’s used as an adjective.  Because it’s not, no matter how impressive it might sound.  And when you use it as a noun, make sure you back up your claims.

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford

Remember George Carlin’s famous list of “7 words you can’t say on television”?

Well, sorry to disappoint you, but this list is entirely wholesome, though hopefully still somewhat unsettling.

Truth is, there are a bazillion words or phrases that should never, ever be used in advertising…many of them, in fact, should be banned from human discourse.

In the meantime, I’ve selected my top 7 offenders, and here’s the biggest of them all.

Bob Russo
President, IMS Advertising, LLC
Professor of Marketing, University of Hartford